The world is on fire, and the question on everyone’s lips is…which is the superior biscuit to have with a cup of tea, Rich Tea or Digestive?
Yes, Trump, the storming of Capital Hill, Coronavirus, Brexit, the imminent economic disintegration and accompanying societal collapse. All pale into insignificance in light of the question which the world world demands an answer to: rich tea or digestive?
Let’s go through the six stages before considering our answer
One. Tea
We are drinking Yorkshire Tea for this grand contest.
As the whole world knows Yorkshire Tea, brewed in Harrogate, land of a thousand Hyacinth Buckets, is the greatest tea in the world. I drink it, I have a cup with it’s logo on it, and a tea towel bearing it’s legend on it.
Two. The Mug.
My favourite mug is not the Yorkshire Tea one. It is in fact a handsome bright yellow mug with ‘Bile Beans’ written on it. Because I lived in York for five years, there was a wonderful ‘ghost sign’ near where I used to live formerly advertising beans in bile, presumably from the Edwardian era, judging by the writing. The ghost sign is a haunting reminder of the city’s Victorian past, and I am pleased to possess a mug sporting this.
Three. Dunking.
Dunking is a very tricky operation, requiring a careful half-application of of the thumb and forefinger. Never in the heathen way of with three fingers.
THE BISCUITS
Rich tea
The rich tea is a wonderfully simple, sweet edible biscuit. If a little bit boring. Not an earth shattering culinary experience, but not trying to be. It’s humble, like simple country parson. It’s a village post office is biscuit form (one that’s actually open), even if it does remind you of long afternoons at your grans.
Digestive
The king of the tea-time jungle. The Muhammad Ali of biscuits. So popular they coated one side of it in chocolate and stuck banoffee in between (excellent, btw). But it’s arrogant. For all it’s swagger, is it really all that?
Four: Absorbance
For sheer absorbency the Rich Tea wins it, the combination of wet and dry hits the palate beautifully.
Five. Crumble factor
There’s no denying that the digestive is a great, great biscuit. But I wonder if it’s habit of occasionally crumbling in the tea is a strong negative. Delicious though it is, I like a biscuit which is strong, uplifting and won’t crumble.
The Verdict
RICH TEA
Yes Rich Tea has it. I declare Rich Tea the winner. Rich Tea is a better biscuit than a digestive.
And relax.
